Over the years I think it's fair to say I've had the odd drink or two in a fair old number of pubs and this site is an attempt to review as many of them as possible while adding more all the time. It is a quest to help you find your perfect pub.
By nature it's going to be a work in progress for a long time and I'd guess it isn't ever going to be complete.
I am one man band so all research into the pubs featured here were carried out by myself ( unless of course I have added a note of credit to a willing helper ). I now have the beer belly to prove it. So what makes the perfect pub? ...
It would appear pubs are as simple as
any retail premises.
They're a physical space where you go to buy and consume a product. As long as they're clean, dry and warm, all things should be equal.
But for some strange reason pubs transcend simplicity. While people might recommend a good film, it's rare for them to tell you to visit the cinema for the sake of it. Yet people seem filled with an evangelical zeal to point you in the direction of a good pub they've found, sometimes regardless of what beer it serves.
So what should you look for in a perfect pub?
The physical structure can help. While no pub ever truly matches the image of perfection we have in our heads - whether you're turned on by tiny thatched country pubs with roses around the door or imposingly grand Victorian emporiums of dark wood and glass panels - some come pretty close to the ideal.
So whatever image you have in your head,
seek it out - but don't let form dominate function. Huge Victorian spaces are lovely, but not if the temperature never gets above freezing, and country cottage pubs are also tempting, but not for those of us who bounce their head off exposed
beams every time they head for the toilet. Don't write off all modern pubs as
being incapable of becoming classics either, but remember, good design is all about function. If a bar stool looks more like a piece of modern art and
is as comfortable as sitting on a pair of mating porcupines - chances are the venue has got the form and function balance wrong and will see its perfection rating plummet.
Pubs are about people, both the staff and customers. Getting the balance is vital in a quest for a perfect pub. You don't want to feel staff are cookie-cutter-produced automatons who, when not asking if your meal was okay every five minutes, are somewhere out the back memorising the brand manual - neither do you want to feel you've interrupted a long conversation with their boyfriend / girlfriend when you order a pint.
A licensee can make or break a pub. Customers often will go out of their way to visit a pub a favourite landlord has recently taken over - or will fall over themselves not to make a trip to premises run by a cynical and bitter publican who seems to hate customers.
Regulars are vital in a perfect pub.
The
perfect pub should not be too busy - you don't want to feel like you're scrumming down with the National rugby front row to order a pint. But it shouldn't be deathly quiet either, making you feel like there must be something terribly wrong with the place if you're the only one in it.
You're looking for regulars with character, rather than care-in-the-community issues. It is a fine line between the charming old gent who exchanges a few words with you while waiting for your pint, and the alarming old man who plays harmonica badly until you give him the price of a half.
Pubs aren't about class and status -
they should be the very places where all that rubbish is left at the door and princes and paupers can enjoy a pint together and talk about the football or who won X factor. The perfect pub should welcome and attract drinkers from all walks of life and foster an atmosphere of unpretentious acceptance.
Beer choice is naturally essential. Even people who don't drink real ale probably have a bar lined with traditional hand pumps somewhere in
their mental image of a perfect pub. These hand pumps should be fronted with a wide variety of pump clips, conjuring up both nostalgic memories of beers enjoyed in the past and interesting temptations of brews not yet tasted.
Bar staff should be knowledgeable, but not snobbish about the beers on offer. You don't want to feel intimidated or that you can't ask what a beer tastes like. And you should run away fast if. when asked to serve a pint "without sparkler", the barmaid takes off her diamond ring.
Perfection also has to soak into every part of the pub — especially the cellar and toilets. There is no point in having the biggest beer range in the world if they all taste like Sarson's vinegar — and after sampling a few pints and making a trip to the toilets, you want to know you stand a half decent chance of making it back to sample a few more, without picking up MRSA during the process.
Food is always a thorny issue when
it comes to discussing perfect pubs. For many, the essence of a pub is the fact it serves good beer, in pleasant surroundings and with entertaining, like-minded people to pass a few hours with.
For those people, if you want a gastronomic dining experience, you either find the Michelin-starred restaurant down the road or, more likely, bounce into the kebab shop across the street.
But pubs can help their path to perfection by pitching the food right. Like the design and surroundings, as long as the food doesn't get in the way of the important stuff - serving great beer - hosts can earn good perfection points
with locally sourced, keenly priced food. The most important thing? Keeping the pub feel. Customers don't want to feel they're drinking in a restaurant which happens to be in a pub, so ditch the starched white tablecloths, the 'reserved' signs on the tables and poncy menus - perfection should be chalkboards and wooden tables with meals you can eat with your fingers.
Finally, the perfect pub is the one which is at the heart of your local community and, critically in these times, a pub which is still open, rather than boarded up or being redeveloped into a block of flats.
WELCOME TO JAKEYBAM